I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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