i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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