I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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