so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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