So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
