The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
