Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
