u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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