we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
