She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
