just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
