I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
its not stalking. its research.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
