shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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