FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
