I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
