i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
