I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
