No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
