i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
