yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
