My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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