you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I could make wine with my vomit
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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