I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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