he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
