So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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