I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
