last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
