who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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