I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
