Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
