Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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