Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
