I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
