Got a toothbrush?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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