My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
