just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
