I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
