dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
