That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
