My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
