planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
