Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
