It's like God shit irony all over that family
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
