I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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