Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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