I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
