No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
