Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
