I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
