walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
