i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
