How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
